After what seemed like an eternity of slumber, Ṣàngó, Olukoso, M, 286 was finally summoned. His last voyage into the realms of man had fetched him great respect among humans, and booty. He hopes that this will equally be fruitful.
"Ah, those were good times", he reminisced as he steadied himself, ready to enter the spiritual portal with which he travels across lands in mere seconds. He looked at his lair a final time and decided to put some 'tea on fire' to welcome him on his return. His oxê (or Mjölnir to you) fastened to his right wrist, his headgear attached to his back, and a bottle of mineral water in his left hand, he braced himself for the journey at hand for even though he was the god of lightning and war, Ṣàngó had a peculiar feature: he suffered from motion sickness.
Upon arrival at the immigration office, Ṣàngó had been motioned to a special room, a consequence of his larger than life demeanour, and of course, his outfit.
Immigration Officer: Passport, please?
Ṣàngó: I am the god of lightning!
The janitor at the office: Same here! I put on the lights when I arrive at work at 6:30 every morning.
Ṣàngó: lightNING, not lighTING. Wait. What made you think it was “lighting”? Is it the shoes? Do I look like a.... janitor?
Immigration Officer: I'm so sorry, Mr Ṣàngó. Don't listen to him. If you don't mind me asking, where's your passport?
Ṣàngó: Well, I don't have this “passport” thing. About what the janitor said - is it the shoes? Because I have lots of shoes. These aren't my bests. I just came out to stretch my legs (he hadn’t)
Immigration Officer: Again, my apologies. Please forget about the shoes, as they are excellent. John is just an idiot. That said, of course, I can't let you pass through without a passport. It's a wack policy, but it's the rules. Did you say you always travelled through this route without this process? What happened?
Ṣàngó: Well, the pot of libation on the other side needs blood and palm oil. I think someone may have used vegetarian blood, as well as cruelty-free palm oil. Ergo the routing error. Unbeknownst to them, those were very specific requirements delineated by the old gods since the dawn of enlightenment. This is equally new to me.
Immigration officer: I do empathize with you, Mr Ṣàngó, but I cannot let you pass. Next, please?!
Ṣàngó: *with lightning in his eyes, feet off the ground,* Then, you must prepare yourself for the unspeakable doom I will rain on you and your loved ones. I will bring so much pain to you that you'll wish you were dead or didn't deny me passage.
Immigration officer: Well, my wife did leave me a few months ago and existence has been pain since then. My mood is shit, and I do want to die. Tell you what, can I offer you a film ticket someone got me to cheer me up. It's for The Avengers. Can you take them in exchange for one unspeakable doom, please™? You can take a friend to the movies.
Ṣàngó: …….
Immigration Officer: There's even a bloke just like you in the film. Prettier, but with the same underlying principles. Do you get the idea?
And so, Ṣàngó jets off to the cinemas, eager to find who had been impersonating him all these years. The target he was supposed to behead in London? Well, he is now running free, offering people fake promises about a better tomorrow. The immigration officer? He had a near-death experience at the hands of the god of lightning and is finally optimistic about life by practising optimistic nihilism. Ṣàngó, now sitting in his really tight cinema seats, is about to meet Thor - for the first time. This writer suspects that he will not enjoy the film much